jz came frm reading jocelyn's blog, hahas. nw is my time to vent out my frustrations, anger, hatred, despair plus share my feelings on something.
well, to start it off, i'm jz gonna show some pics i hav taken a while back....
tis is taken on the day of nationals, was zhongxian's BRIGHT idea to vandalise my hand. shiqi wrote it. thank god it was shiqi, cuz she has awesome nice handwriting, jocelyn feel jealous so asked shiqi to write on her hand too, hahas.
tis is a shirt at uni qlo's was so tempted to buy it for sally, hahahas!! my baba!! xD
okay, nw it's time, for me to COMPLETELY LET OUT ALL MY FRUSTRATIONS!!!
1.
first of all, i shot badly for nationals.
i felt tt i let down Coach You Jie n Coach You Li...
i mean... they're the ones who hav coached me the most...
used their heart, to coach me...
n i felt...i let them down...
after my last shot, i jz immediately broke down into tears and apologized to them non stop...
i cant bring myself to forgive myself...
but i think i can forget...
i've learnt from fellow shooters,
tt thr're much worse off cases than me,
____ has been winning individual medals for 2 yrs,
but didnt win tis yr, plus, she's sec 4 tis yr, so it's kind of like her last yr.
nt winning anything is rly dam sad.
n i feel she totally deserves something.
i would hav very much given my place to her. srsly.
if i were her, i would b totally devastated.
but, she still smiled, n said 'it's alright, thr's other shoots.'
tt, i mus say, is one of the two things tt totally motivated n inspired me.
the other thing was,
____ has been winning individual medals for 3 yrs, including tis yr.
1st yr, individual 1st
2nd yr, indivudal 2nd
3rd yr, individal 2nd
to me, she is a person i rly respect, idk y, i feel she could hav n deserved 1st place.
so i tot, is she upset? nt getting 1st? cuz the person who gotten 1st, is totally unexpected, n i dun think she kinda of deserved it, idk. -.-
but no, ____ wasnt sad.
instead, on her numerous facebook status, she had some inspiring stuffs, like....
'you believe you can, you will.'
n after much reflection i oso think tt...
'a good shooter can put the past behind him/her and move on. if one can do it, she/he is a successful shooter. thr will b ups and downs in everything, life, shooting. it's about hw the receiver receives it, takes it in, and get over it, tt makes tt person a successful person in life, in shooting.'
but thanks to everyone who has supported me in my lowest point in my shooting career.
_____ & ______ too, even though they dk about their contribution in my learning process. hahas.
2.
today's event.
had the 1st NYT trial.
did horribly.
was it cause i didnt train enough?
but i noe one reason for sure,
i wasnt focused. i couldnt concentrate. i wasnt on form. AT ALL.
so yeah........underperformed..... like...... RLY badly....
had ppl win me, was pushed down to 5th position...
the penguin came late, n shot 371, 1st on the list.
she even went out of the range with her teammates (who were ALSO shooting the NYT trial) during her comp, talk and walk.
i hate GSS. like srsly. HATE THEM.
n _____, FUCKING COCKY LA, COCK FUCKING BIG LE LA IS ZIT. U THINK U SO GD, U SHOOT 380 LET ME C LA. SHOOT 380 IN A BIG COMPETITION, GO LA. SO PRO RITE. FUCK UR WHOLE FAMILY LA. COME LA, COME C LOR, COME SOMEMORE. SO GD RITE, KNNB CCB... GO NTT LA. GO SHOOT OLYMIPICS LOR. Y WORLD CUP NVR GO?! U THINK U SO ZAI, DUN NID TRAIN LA, DUN COME LA. FUCKING BITCH...
oh god, i jz wanna slap her, take her head bang against the wall man. -.-
3.
studies.....
nowadays, during tuition, the teacher gives surprise tests,
n i've been rly underperforming for all of them...
feel demoralized.... hais...
nw i'm worrying if i can even make it to JC... let alone NJC...
arghs... thr're some ppl i dun wanna c though.
but i will try to not let it get to me, in making my choice of whr i wanna go.
they're not worth my energy, time to bother about, zzz.
i rly hope _____ & ______ would go NJC with me..
cuz it would b fun, carefree when shooting for nationals then.
just like one of the competitions, whr i was given an opportunity with them to shoot.
tt was the best shoot i hav ever had.
because, with them, i feel tt i jz nid to rely on them.
so, i guess tts y we kinda managed grab sthing. hahas.
4.
relationships, (frens/love)
whenever u dun like the things, the way, a person say, does, or watever.
it's naturally to try to forgive, n let it go.
but wat if tt person consistently does it?
can u tolerate tt much?
everyone has their limits.
if u cross tt, u hav to bear serious consequences.
yes, i noe, telling tt person straight in the face, takes a lot of guts, u're scared u hurt tt person's feelings, u're scared it hurts ur image in other ppl's eyes, scared u wont ever b frens or wateva with tt person and etc, etc.
BUT, hav u ever tot tt, it might actually help tt person?
no matter if it is a fren, or a lover,
telling tt person helps him/her, because,
when u let tt person noe, wat he/she is doing wrg/not nice,
if tt person changes for the better,
it makes his/her life better, n urs too.
E.G, tis person is very short-tempered,
everyone don't dare to socialize with tt person, scared of his/her temper exploding any second,
tt person might nt b able to hav frens, get jobs.
so if someone tells tt person bout his/her flaw, n changes,
he/she can get frens n jobs, rite?
if tt person, is ur lover, all the more u hav to do it.
if u dun, u're onli spoiling him/her.
if ever, yall break, hw is she going to get on with her/his nxt gf/bf?
he/she would b too spoilt, take things for granted, expects everyone to giv in to him/her
tt affects her future marriage, communication with ppl, job.
no matter, hw much u love tt person, if u truly love him/her,
u would tell him/her his/her flaws.
it is onli for her/his better.
a relationship can onli work out happily,
when both parties can understand the other's views, feelings
when both parties making efforts to make their relationship work
when both parties think for each other
whenever u're unhappy about anything at all, ur partner should b the one thr to comfort u, support u, console u
like in the marriage vows,
'I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared for me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you.'
so, when anything happens, hav a heart to heart talk.
it conveys msges frm the heart directly. no miscommunications, no hip cups. pure, honest answers.
tt way, u can clear things up, feel better, understand, noe wat ur partner is thinking.
if after the talk, his, her thinking, wat she/he says, contradicts wat was said earlier.
u're allowed to b pissed, angry.
it totally shows hw much tt person dun bother to hav a srs talk, clear things up, do anything about wat's going on.
when u're with tt person whom u think is Mr Right, Ms Right,
bear it, hold it, but thr's a limit.
if he/she crosses, forgive n forget, if impossible, jz forget,
BUT, if it happens too many times,
then jz forget about it.
just.
end.
it.
it is not worth.
